I’ve been seeing this message for about 3 years off and on. I’ve sat on the sidelines with these quiet nudges from my intuition to do one thing or another. But the thing was kind of scary so like most, I said, “I’m not ready, I’ll do it when I’m ready.” This year I committed to doing the hard things…doing them the first time I felt them inside me. Doing them faster.
So far this year, I’ve been doing the hard things. I listened to my intuition, and I moved to New Orleans. I have taken a giant leap of faith in running my business. I have taken responsibility in sincerely leading my team for them to reach their best potential. I started this blog. I’m doing my best to do the hard things when they arise.
That being said, one of my hopes for this blog is to share my life with y’all in real-time. Why? Because it’s scary. Because it’s real. Because that’s what my gut is telling me to do. Because sharing in real-time is the most vulnerable I can be through this platform, and I think showing big vulnerability is what gets us to big connection. Lastly, because how can I inspire you to do to the big scary brave things if I’m not doing the big scary brave things
While my life isn’t super exciting to share something every week. Listen I know it is disappointing…it is the most disappointing for me. This week however is a different story! This week I’m doing something incredibly brave. This week I’m going to see Texas!
That’s right ladies and gents that tall drink of water is back in my life. Which excites me to no end! Like this man…this man is on my mind every day it takes all I have not to literally tell him that every day because apparently that would be weird and “coming on too strong”….and I know with his lack of initiative to reach out to me over the past 6 months, most would say I should’ve gotten over him by now. Listen if I could’ve snapped my fingers 6 months ago and poof this man wasn’t a distraction in my life I would’ve, but life doesn’t work that way.
Anywho…back to the man. I bet you’re wondering all the juicy details…I could give you the play by play, but that would be A LOT. So I’ll just give you the quick dirty details…
Late last October…I got the text (yes ladies I said he was sexy, not perfect). I got the text saying he still really cared for me, but our lives weren’t aligned, and he didn’t see the point in talking every day. Since we couldn’t make things more seriously, he didn’t see how we would work in the immediate future. We split ways.
That hit hard, but he was right, and it wasn’t the first time we had this convo. Mid-September this exact convo was had, except the words, came out of my mouth, not his. I can’t hate him or even be mad at him for it. It just sucked…timing is a tricky bitch!
We kept in touch. Text here and there. You know the ones…
“Happy Thanksgiving! Hope you’re doing well!”
“Merry Christmas! Hope you enjoy it with your family!”
New Year’s came and went without a text. I assumed that was it. We’d really just part now. We would both really let go and move on.
Then shortly after my arrival in my new city, he asked what I was up to…where I was in the world. He was shocked when I told him New Orleans is my new home. He got excited. He texted me about how he wanted to see me and asked details about my life. Then for the first time in 3 months, he randomly called me. Said he just wanted to hear my voice. Said we would figure out a visit soon. Said he’d plan a trip here.
Week went by, he suggested I come to see him in Texas. Having just started a new job I didn’t see that going over well. He suggested me coming on my days off, but per usual we didn’t make definite plans…time slipped by…and welp just didn’t happen! Touched base again in February wasn’t aligning. Then well we know what happened in March…COVID!
I went home for quarantine, and just knew it wouldn’t happen for a while if ever. And I knew it was time to just let him go. I was trying to hold on to something that just wasn’t happening. I didn’t lose hope per se, but I let him go. I let go of the thoughts of us. I deleted his number and text thread from my phone. Which doesn’t seem like a big deal, but for me who has every text thread in my phone since oh 2015 it’s huge!
Why not block him you ask? Ummmm duh because I wanted him to text or call me…I wanted him to have access to me, but I didn’t want to be able to contact him or check in on him like I had done randomly. It was really time for Laura to just work on Laura.
I did. During that time, I buckled down. I signed up for an online mindset class. I launched this blog. I hired a business coach. I did the scary things I said I’d always do. I put my head down, I stopped making excuses and I went to work. It’s been paying off for sure.
Beginning of May he reached out. It started with simple texts with conversations that didn’t particularly go anywhere but still made me smile. That was all I would do smile without expectation of what would happen or if it would go anywhere. Then….HE CALLED!
On May 9th, granted I reached out first with a little emoji with every intention of an emoji response back, and instead, he asked if he could call me. I said sure. The majority of the phone call was “I miss you”s, exactly how much he missed me, how he had to see me ASAP, and giggles…we both giggled a lot. Yes, this 6’7 Texan has the cutest little giggle. Like seriously its adorable and currently, one of my favorite things on the planet.
Anyways…we have a plan. We are going to see each other THIS WEEKEND! Yes, ladies, gents, and everyone in between….I’m going to get to see my Big Sexy Texy this weekend. You could not believe how excited I am!!!! I seriously cannot express it in words!
I’m telling you all this to get to this point…maybe I have a few points to make here.
One thing I am not doing…I’m not overthinking it. I’m not wondering how this trip will go, I am not trying to think of important conversations I want to have with this man…I’m not over-analyzing which for me is huge! I’ve done this my whole life. I’ve thought so hard about how a situation will occur before it actually occurs that I either:
Get my hopes up so high there is nothing but let down in my near future.
Assume bad things will happen, prepare for bad things to happen, and then said bad things happen
So, this time I’m not doing that. I’m just chilling. Every time I think of him or think about the visit I get excited, but nothing else. I’ve had girlfriends ask me what we are doing on my visit or if we will have some important convo, and I just say I don’t know. I won’t know what will happen. Honestly, my only goal for this trip is to enjoy this man’s company and be happy about it. I plan to be over the moon happy with this man this weekend and relax. I want to be relaxed and be myself around him as well…those are other goals. And typically, I stop being myself when I start over-analyzing all the situations. So screw that…this man fell in love with my sweaty booty short wearing butt in Key West. He’s legit looking for me. Not something I’m not.
Second lesson, and ladies this is a tough one for me. I love my friends. I really do. I trust they want the best things for me. I trust them with all my major life decisions. I love them beyond belief. They love me beyond belief, and because of that, they want to protect me. They want to protect me from the things that hurt me. This relationship has hurt me in the past. Thus naturally,
they want to protect me from this man. They want to keep me safe.
One of my favorite lessons from Mark Groves (brilliant podcaster relationship dude…you should 100% be following! You can thank me later!) is we always want the other person to go first. We sit here and we wait for the other person to take the massive action toward us so we can know it’s safe. But safe doesn’t lead us to the life of our dreams. Safe keeps us safe.
Right now, my intuition is not telling me to stay safe and secure. My intuition is telling me to go to Texas. My intuition is telling me to trust myself more than the popular opinion of my friends. Because while he hasn’t given me the dramatic massive action you see in the movies with the guy riding up to your fire escape holding a boutique of flowers hanging out his limo sunroof calling you name (if you don’t understand that reference…go watch Pretty Woman). Sometimes massive action is sending you a text of a picture in the middle of the week from the night you met in Key West. Sometimes that’s all your heart needs to say, “Go.”
I want this man in my life. Even with all the distance and all the time. I still get excited every time he texts and smile from ear to ear whenever he calls. I’ve had these feelings for others before, and I waited. I waited for the invitation or the massive action on their behalf. Waiting never got me what I truly wanted. Waiting never got me the relationship I’ve always wanted.
So sometimes you have to break through those traditional gender roles by going after the guy. Sometimes you are the one that has to leap. Because taking the leap means trusting your intuition.
Leaping is jumping with the hope or expectation it’ll all work out…not certainty that it will. It’s about opening up and being vulnerable. Safe is safe…but from my experience safe doesn’t get you spectacular! I want my life to be spectacular!
Sure, this visit could be a flop…but what if this is the visit that completely rekindles our relationship and leads us to a long-fulfilled healthy loving relationship together? Like what if he’s like the one ladies?!? That’s what I want! So why not go? Why not risk it?
I know the worst case scenario…we don’t work out. It’s fun for a time and then we don’t work out anymore. I’ve know that heartbreak. I’ve lived that heartbreak. I can survive that heartbreak.
I can heal that heartbreak. I don’t know how I’d respond to a life long question of “What if…”
So I’m going to Texas and regardless I know two things will happen…I’ll have a fantastic time and I’ll have some fantastic sex! Mwah!
Comments