It’s official! I have a Florida drivers license, a Key West residency tag, and I’ve quit my first job in Key West (kinda). Oh, and I’m moving at the beginning of next month. So that’s it! I’m in, right? The island is keeping me! At least for now, from what the locals tell me.
I’m excited about all this and terrified by it all as well. I have a bunch of questions bouncing around my head. I’m terrified things won’t all just work out. I’m worried that my new place will somehow be either a financial burden or the roommate situation will be similar to the current roommate situation. I’m worried that my job life won’t just settle down and things will always be pieced together and tough.
All of this is in my head. I’ve been losing sleep over all of these thought the past two nights. I lay down, I’m exhausted, and then my head spins into all these different scenarios and I worry. I’ve been here before. I’ve been here in this spot where I’m pushing so much change onto my life that I’m completely unsettled, and it affects all of my life.
The feeling is the same as in my last post, “I’ve been struggling too hard to still be struggle this hard.” I know I’m not alone in this feeling. While you may not be going through similar events at this specific moment, I’m sure you’ve had a similar since of exhaustion about life just being too hard for too long.
How do I know this?
Because I’ve been feeling this feeling off and on for year. This feeling is a habit, a mindset. It’s time to break the habit. It’s time to get out of my own damn head and enjoy the life I’ve created and am living NOW!
So here goes…
I’m going to try and explain the tailspins I go through and then how I combat them.
Two main uncertainties I have
1. Job
2. Money
Obviously, they directly affect each other. I’m lucky to be living on an island where as long as you have any kind of work ethic you are the star employee. My old captain explained it best, “Show up for work two days in a row you’re the star employee. Show up 3 and your management.”
Yes that’s an exaggeration, but you get it. It doesn’t take much to impress employers down here. Thus, I have my pick of the litter so to say for what jobs I wish to have.
Currently I have 3 main job options.
1. The Restaurant
2. Catering Company
3. Sandbar Captain
They all have their pluses and minuses. I enjoy them all. They all have awesome coworkers and bosses. I could literally be full time at all 3 of them. However, being part time at all 3 of them and having the down time I desire could be tough. Finding that work/life balance ideal down here doing all 3 wouldn’t work well. It would be very hectic.
When I start thinking about all this, I start overthinking about all this. Ideally, I would like to get a set schedule down of my work each week. I.e. Monday-Wednesday with one option, Friday-Saturday with the other. I think of all the “perfect” combos I could combined to obtain the life I want. There are a ton of combinations, and in reality, I don’t know one that could work because one is dependent on bookings (Catering) and another is dependent on bookings and weather (Captain). The only one with certainty is the Restaurant, yet I don’t love the hours of the restaurant. In all honesty I think I’m just over restaurant work even if the work environment is great! But it would be a guaranteed income every single week. Thus, the predicament.
Being uncertain about my job leads to obvious money uncertainty. While there is some flux in my life in general because my jobs are tip based, i.e. the restaurant I can show up to a shift but can’t guarantee how much I’ll make on a shift.
Why does this bring me so much anxiety?
Because of the way I was raised. I inherited my parents’ money mindset which boils down to Safe-Save-Secure. You make more money than you spend, and you save for a rainy day always. If you do this for 40 years you will then be able to retire. This is the dream…well this is my parents’ dream. My dream is to make more money than I spend, save towards eventual retirement, but also enjoy the heck out of my life now.
Thus, when I sign a lease, while I’m changing jobs, and I’m not certain of my income. My mind takes this uncertainty, and tailspins it into…well what happens if you can’t pay your bills? What do you do? How will you survive?!? Survival…we must survive!!!! ECK!!!!
While I am not certain of my income at this moment…I am certain with all my different option my income will pay for my bills. I know my bills. I have budgeted for my bills. Will I be able to enjoy all the outings with friends? Maybe not. Will I be able to put as much money as I desire into the rainy-day fund? Maybe not. But will I be able to survive…pay my bills? Yes 100% yes!
So, the end all result. I need to calm the fuck down and make some decisions. I have plenty of options. Life is always changing…I’m currently changing my life a lot. I didn’t have to go looking for a new apartment or a new job. I could’ve stayed with my current options for as long as I wanted. I could’ve settled.
I am not one for settling!
Thus, I am changing my life. When you make major (moving to a new city) changes or small ones (deciding to drink more water daily), life faces you with resistance. I’m facing the resistance from my major changes A LOT right now.
Sooooooo how do I battle this? How to I move away from all this?
First thing is first…catch the tailspin and catch it early!
That’s the best-case scenario. However, catching it at all and rationalizing with yourself the “worst case scenario” is typically what I do. My worst-case scenario I have if I see myself financially struggling, go back to yachting for a month. There are TONS of stew jobs out there, I can always go back to one. Make some quick and easy money, and then escape back to my island home. While I do not what to do this at all, it is an easy and realistic option for me. Thus, tailspin stopped!
Second main thing I do…take care of me!
What does that mean? Make sure I’m getting sleep. Make sure I’m eating food. Make sure I’m doing my morning routines. Make sure I’m taking the time for myself. Make sure I’m taking the little steps to the life I want to create.
Leading to my third step. PLANNING!
Somewhere inside I want to be a carefree, drifting soul in this universe who never feels the need for routines or a plan in my life.
Reality…routines and planning are the main things that comfort me in life to know I’m getting the things done I need to. They help me know I’m moving my life in the direction I want it to go. They help me recharge so I can give my time and energy to others in my life. To do this, I need to make a plan. Then I need to stick to the plan like no bodies business. I have to tell people no when they ask me to do things that don’t go along with my plan.
I.E. stop telling people yes to things when I want to say no!
Perfect example: At the end of work on Wednesday night, my bestie coworker asked me to hit the gym and then go to the beach with him on Thursday. I said I’d love to. Because I would love to! This is the reason we live on an island after all right? However, earlier in the week I promised myself I would take Thursday to write my blog. This is something that is important to me and is a small step to moving towards to the future I want.
So, when I said yes to my friend, I was breaking a promise to myself I had made earlier in the week. Last night I laid awake stressing over what to do with my Thursday…beach or write? I literally lost sleep over this. I woke up this morning and texted my friend that I wanted to go to the beach, but I must write my blog today. I instantly felt relieved after I did it, and guess what…he was totally fine with it!
Thus…make a plan…stick to the plan. Tell everyone “no” that doesn’t fit into the plan. Ask to make a plan for a later date if you want to spend time with that person.
Four…stop wasting my time, energy, and thinking on alternative plans. Start trusting and relying on myself.
I know where I am in my life right now. I know where I want to go. Currently, I’m working jobs that are easy, I enjoy, and pay the bills. Eventually I want to sustain my life off my writing. Do I know how this will happen? Not yet. But I know this is where I want to go. I’ve known this for a few years now, yet between not knowing how to do this and being afraid at failing at this…I haven’t given it my all.
Thus, I keep coming up with back up plans, which look like tail spinning or procrastinating.
Yes maybe this seems to contradict what I said above about worst case scenario, but hear me out here…
Worst case scenario: Going back to yachting for a month
Yachting is something I know. It doesn’t take me learning a new skill or putting a lot of effort into finding a job. Literally I could go online and probably find a job through 2 different outlets today…if not confirm one find some pretty good leads. Also, yachting would be a temporary gig. I could go for a week, 2 weeks, a month, 2 months at my leisure then come back here. A fix to get me through a tough time if needed. None of this would take up so much time and energy to derail my long term goals.
Tail spinning alterative solutions: ???
I don’t have a sold option here; this is why it is tail spinning. It involves getting online and trying to find either “quick” ways to make cash through apps or what not or random remote jobs. Let us be real quick cash is too good to be true (if not…tell me where I can find it!), and the remote jobs would take a lot of time and energy away from me working towards my ultimate goal. It would or could derail the goals I have in life.
This behavior is not productive. It is a time suck and needs to be recognized and squashed like the above tail spinning ASAP!
Summary (incase you got a little lost in all those words above):
1. Stop the tail spinning…aka overwhelm/anxiety
2. Take care of your basic needs
3. PLAN…i.e. boundaries
4. Find your long term goals…stick to the goals
Does all of this seem a little too overwhelming to you?
Are you reading this thinking… “LB, I don’t have any long term goals/plans because I’m too stuck in the overwhelm of what’s next!”
Girl I hear you!
I’ve been there. At that point, you just need to take a breath. I wish someone 5 years ago would’ve told me to just settle down for a little while and take a breath.
If you got a job that’s supporting you, but doesn’t light you up inside, yet you have no clue what you want to try next or do next?
My advice work on the first two steps above. Work on stopping the tail spinning/worrying/overwhelm/anxiety however you identify it. Work on stopping it so your mind and nervous system can just rest. Get yourself out of that fight or flight mode for a little while, and take care of your damn self. Set some little goals that nourish your body and soul aim to get them daily or weekly. Praise yourself EVERY.DAMN.DAY you do them! Do this for at least a month…I’d say a solid 2-3, then start to journal about how you want your life to look. Start to plan from there! But first step is to get calm and relaxed. If you’re not used to that…believe me…it can take some time to break the habit of overwhelm! Show yourself some grace and love and find that balance!
So love! Has this inspired you?
What are your action steps for next week?
Let me know below or send me an email! I love talking goals, dreams, life (life includes the bad days too…I got you all around boo!)
Have a great Friday and Weekend!!!!
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