It started. As soon as I posted my last blog, within an hour it hit me.
Imposter Syndrome.
If you haven’t read it, check out last week’s blog here.
But the quick and dirty of it. Be brave was the main message. I did this by announcing my future career plans.
Starting with becoming a life coach. Literally each time I say/type it, it doesn’t feel real. I want to curl up in a ball and say, “Got ya! I was only kidding.” Who am I to be a life coach?!? Who am I to help people?
Sure, I have a M.S., but that’s for studying tuna and last I checked general consensus was tuna have no feelings. So who do I think I am?!?
This was the internal dialogue that went through my head that evening around the time I decided to start “winding down” for bed. Anxiety…she’s a convenient bitch like that ain’t she?
Regardless, I started panicking, spiraling. As soon as it hit, I knew it was imposter syndrome. I have gotten good at recognizing the old stories/beliefs popping up saying I have to be “qualified” to do such career paths. The only way to get “qualifications” is through college or some other recognized/certified institute of learning. My imposter syndrome tells me my 20+ years of seeing a therapist myself, the last 5 years of delving deeply into my own personal development journey, and always being naturally draw to vulnerable, challenging conversations means zilch. It accounts for nothing.
I recognized the stories, and I slowly quieted them down. When my partner noticed the sudden shift in my nighttime routine demeanor, I explained to him what was going on. I told him I felt like a fraud. I had anxiety about this path actually working out. Could I actually help people? Would it be a finically viable path to take? Or would I be ineffective at helping others and supporting myself finically through this avenue?
He helped settle my worries by reminding me how good I am at helping others. How kind and gentle I am while pushing him with his career. How helpful I’ve been to the clients I’ve had recently. The success they’ve had in their own personal lives. It helped. I agreed with what he had to say. He wasn’t wrong.
We settled and turned out the lights.
That was Friday evening remind you. It took me to Monday to announce that I had posted the blog about my big announcement. Maybe this seems trivial, but most of the traffic to my website is through social media. After posting the blog, I played it safe. I set out an emails to my subscribers, tweeted about it, and announced it on LinkedIn. All avenues that have never gotten me serious views. I held off on IG and Facebook to make a “perfect” post. Was the post on Monday perfect…no. Did it increase my views? Absolutely! My blog views went from 10 to over 100 in less than 12 hours. Between that and supportive comments I received on social media, I sincerely feel blessed. I saw it as a sign I was on the right path.
Sidenote: Without dwelling on the time, it took to write last week’s post, I’ll mention that updating my website required a two-week effort. Why is this significant? Because over 6 months ago, I convinced myself that revamping my website was a prerequisite for announcing my coaching services. Regrettably, I procrastinated for half a year. Once I finally tackled the task, it only took two weeks to complete. I could’ve initiated this process six months ago, were it not for my perfectionism-driven procrastination – a hallmark of imposter syndrome, along with perfectionism, people-pleasing, and paralysis.
Who cares? So, what Laura? You’re human we know that.
I’m telling you this for 2 reasons. One to break down the barrier of doing hard things. Being brave is hard, yet we tend to think ‘Oh they can do this because they have more confidence than I do. They don’t battle with self-doubt like I do. They’ve got something I don’t.’ When we see people doing things, we wish we could, we start to compare and judge. I’ve done it so much that it finally encouraged me to move forward with being a coach. Next stop is growing the nerve to start the public speaking course. I’m not special or different from you. I battle my own limiting beliefs. I simply have systems in place to handle them.
Leading me to my second reason for writing about this, sharing my systems with you. I’m sure you caught it above the steps I took to battle my imposter syndrome, but I’ll break it down into the key points. Because who doesn’t love some simple key points and take aways?
How does each step help?
Acknowledge and Recognize your feelings
The first step to address any inner conflict is awareness. To start addressing it, you must be able to recognize that it’s occurring.
Be patient with yourself, this can take time. Seriously…it took me better part of 2 years just to recognize where the inner turmoil was actually coming from. Working with someone - therapist, counselor, or coach can be very helpful for you to recognize patterns that are popping up in your life, and then help teach you techniques to help you through them.
Share your experience
Sharing is caring, especially to yourself. Especially when you share with people who will give you the support you need at a delicate time. All too often we are unable to see the good in ourselves when we are spiraling down the staircase of self-doubt. An outside perspective can help stop the spinning.
It helps you realize you aren’t alone. Literally, NO ONE IS PERFECT, we all have our doubts. Unless you’re a narcissist and I doubt that because I imagine you would’ve stopped reading by this point. Everything is a little easier when we know we aren’t alone. Call in the back up! Hard times often make us feel isolated.
List your Accomplishments
These can be big overarching accomplishments or simple, daily accomplishments. Anything is helpful here. The main goal is to change your mindset and focus away from spiraling into negativity. We need some positivity here love! Because you’re kind of wonderful I’m sure of it!
Set REALISTIC goals
Set some goals and break them down into actionable steps. Start small, get the little wins boo. A tendency of imposter syndrome is perfectionism as mentioned above, and as a perfectionist we always love to think we can do it all. We set ourselves up for failure in this way. We set unrealistic expectations, and when we are incapable of accomplishing them the imposter pops up and says ‘Told you so.’ We need none of that!
Take some action
One of the best ways to squash imposter syndrome and self-doubt, take some action.
For example, with starting coaching I was terrified to get start. So to get started, I offered free sessions to a close friend. I really helped her through a tough time in her life. Once I saw I could do it, I was so stinking proud. Still scary to announce, but I at least it built up my confidence in a small simple way before diving off the deep end.
Celebrate your damn self!
Whether it’s starting a new career, breaking things off with that bad boyfriend or girlfriend, getting out into the dating world again, taking that trip you always said you would, or some days simply getting out of bed (legit if you’ve battled some depression, you know that’s a major accomplishment). Whatever it is, celebrate! Bonus points if you celebrate with others!
Alright loves, there’s my advice for the week! Hope it helps! Feel free to share your bouts with imposter syndrome with me, after all it’s part of the steps to overcoming it!
Chat soon!
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