I sit here with no clue what to write about. People always wonder how I decide what to write. My only answer is ‘I write what I feel. I write what comes to me.’ This may seem like a cop out. As if I’m not giving away the method to my madness. But in true honesty, typically I have an urge to write at some point during the week…I sit down for roughly an hour and the words just flow out of me.
It’s easy. It’s effortless unless the words pouring out of me aren’t something I want to share because of shame or guilt, but even then, I typically share because I feel there is a reason they are coming out. Those words that are my wounds are meant to be shared in my mind to help someone else realize they aren’t alone. They aren’t the only ones feeling a certain way.
Lately, I haven’t been inspired. I haven’t had an overwhelming urge to sit down and pour my heart out onto a piece of paper. Why? Because lately I’ve been fucking exhausted.
If you didn’t know my current full-time occupation is working on a yacht. I’m a stewardess, i.e. I’m a combo between a maid and a waitress with some party coordinator skills thrown in there. I enjoy the job. It’s fun. I love the owner, he’s awesome, and the crew all help each other out and enjoy life as much as we can. Yet, it is tough. We are up working at 7:30 every day and typically the earliest we go down to bed is 10. We have been doing this for 3 and a half weeks. While I had the last 2 days off, I was determined to relax and recharge with my good friends instead of pressuring myself into creativity. When I go back, we have another 3-4 weeks ahead of us. I haven’t been writing, I haven’t been inspired, because I’ve been exhausted. I don’t have much free time, and when I do, I typically just want a nap over everything else.
Why am I telling you this?
One because I enjoy this creative outlet and I sincerely appreciate the love and support y’all give me through reading my work. I pseudo feel as if I am letting you down when I am not consistent with posting on a weekly basis. Maybe you didn’t even notice, but I did. I apologize.
Two to show I’m human too. To show that life can become a little too much for me as well at times. Life can become overwhelming, and the things you once loved to do in your free time fall away. Over the past 3 weeks I’ve worked out one time. Over the past 3 weeks I’ve meditated twice. Over the past 3 weeks, I’ve written short blurbs in my phone here and there a hand full of times, but I have not been inspired to sit down and write. I have not been able to turn those short blurbs into a full post as a typically do. While I don’t like it, I am still enjoying my life. This is a season for me. Once the boat goes back to Florida, things will slow down. I see an end in sight. I know it will change soon. But for now, over the next few weeks, I just have to show myself a little grace and be okay with this season I’ve chosen for myself.
This season in my life, isn’t easy. I’m tired and exhausted and some part of my body hurts all of the time. But I chose this. I don’t love my decision, but I’m okay with my decision. I’m learning from my decision. It’s all about the journey. It’s all about learning about yourself one step at a time. That’s what I’ll keep doing while I share it with you.
If I am a little absent here, I apologize. I promise I have not forgotten about you, and I promise I will be back as soon as I can.
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