I find myself yet again at the end of the month, scrambling to hold myself accountable to my one blog post a month.
In general, I’ve written less this month. Finishing last month’s 5k word goal early left me on a high of the effortlessness of writing. I went into May ever so slightly overconfident.
At least that’s part of the story. Reality is, the beginning of May feels like last Christmas, yet the month also seemed to pass in a blink of an eye. I fear the reminder of the year will pass in a similar fashion.
Without a direct idea of what to talk about, I’ll simply fill you in on what I’ve done this month.
First, I said goodbye to Zach. He returned to CO for the season while I stayed behind in the Keys. While this is a strain on our relationship, returning to a state void of a vast expanse of water boarding one side puts a strain on my soul. During my time there last year, I could fill my need to be near the water. Not just any water since there were plenty of rivers and reservoirs near where his parents live, but a salty body of water that holds similar dark, mysterious, depths as those to the complexities of my own soul. Since I was 17 and realized I could choose where to live, I choose to live by the Ocean. Without it in my life, life feels less stable. The need to be nomadic hits more. I need more stimulus to get through the day, weeks, and months while I’m away. It’s the only place I can rest for any length of time.
Granted in my book a length of time is anything more than 3 months. My bar is very low on what a “commitment” is to me. If I manage to stay 6-9 months anywhere for one period of time, it’s only in places that have access to a salty sea.
Zach leaving was harder than I thought. We spent some beautiful time together the week before he left. I focused on him, on us the first week of May. I told myself the writing could wait. I needed this time with him, and I don’t regret a single second of it. We truly spent some lovely time enjoying each other’s company along with the paradise we lived in together for the last 6 months.
Once he left, I thought I’d fall right into my old routines. I’d start an earlier bed time to get up and out of the house sooner, to grasp the hour before work for writing. Instead, I had trouble adjusting. My one day of mourning his absence turned into three, and without him next to me in bed I had trouble sleeping. Being single for so long before him, truly I did not expect this to be an issue. I sincerely believed I’d enjoy star fishing in the queen size bed solo, instead I find myself still sleeping on “my side” almost a month later.
Second thing, I decided to start my walk and talks back up. I’ve only posted 3 as of today, but that’s one a week which honestly, I’m proud of doing it. I have found some resistance to posting them. Wondering what others will think of me. I’m trying to get back into the routine of posting more regularly on social media, because I truly enjoy connecting with people there. I’m trying to show up without any connection to it bringing any monitory value. Because to me social media is too unreliable as a form of income. Yet something inside keeps is telling me to show up again. Just as something inside of me is telling me to continue with this blog.
Third thing I’ve been focusing on this month, finding a remote job. I love working my restaurant job. It has served me well over the past 6 months, yet it is unsustainable in the long run. As the temperatures heat up people search for climates more pleasant than the tropical heat that is setting in here. People will travel to the coast where the water is refreshing, not only 5 degrees cooler than the air.
Thus it’s time for me to gain some financial security and get a remote job. Why remote?
Honestly, the options here in the Keys are scarce, and I want the ability to travel. When I get a remote job, I’ll do some traveling. Hopefully by August I’ll have one and I can head home for some time before a beach trip with my Dad and Sister. Then head north to see the family I have in New England. It’s been too long since I’ve been away from them. All before I head, again as the leaves change and the air gets crispy in the mornings.
At least this is my hope. This is my 4th or 5th time going through the remote job application process over the past 2 years, and I’ve had zero interviews. Granted I am searching for jobs that are out of my “field of study.” I’m looking at jobs I can do, that pay the bills, and allow me the luxury to do this from anywhere. The job, the interview, the company is out there I simply must keep looking. All the jobs I’m applying to I have done to some degree through other areas of my life, and my work ethic has always been impressive in any industry I’ve been in. Yet, I’m unable to make these connections without getting people on the phone.
Sure I can craft a stellar cover letter expressing all the ways I’m qualified for X, Y, or Z position, yet with my interesting back ground it doesn’t always translate. Also, I’m sure I’m competing with those who have the exact qualifications in their resume as listed on the job posting. Thus, there is no surprise to me I’m over looked.
This all reminds me of roughly 10 years ago when I applied to be a NOAA officer aboard their research vessels. I applied to the position along side my friend. We both had similar background, except she had the M.S. degree I did not. Looking back on the interview process, it’s comical I thought I stood a chance. She got interviewed on site of the training facility, where they also gave her a tour of the facilities by one of the trainers. Myself, on the other hand, went to an old NOAA building that I’m positive wasn’t even in active use at the time because the room I interviewed in wasn’t the man’s office. It was simply a room with a table and two chairs where he could conduct an “interview.” Yet, I got an interview. Thus, I had hope I could still be selected.
I was not selected, my friend was. The training had a pseudo military rigor to it. There were strict schedules to be met, along with some physical activity. Halfway through the training, they had lost 4 of the 12 trainees. At which time my dear friend told the man who had given her the interview, “You know who wouldn’t have quit, no matter how much she hated it? Laura. She doesn’t quit anything.”
It's true. Call it stamina. Call it stubbornness. Call it a glutton for punishment. When I start something, I finish it. If I had gotten that position, I would’ve completed training. I would’ve served out my commitment to my government. Maybe at the end I would’ve stayed, maybe I would’ve left. Maybe I would’ve broken halfway through. But just like graduate school, I would’ve kept going no questions asked.
So, this is what has been on my mind lately. Oh, and I worked roughly 20 extra hours last week at work while I dog sat up the Keys. So, while I will give myself a hard time for never doing enough, it seems I’m always doing too much I don’t give myself credit for.
With the end of this blog, I’ve accomplished two goals for the month. I’ve hit my 5k word goal and I got my blog written. I have not gotten in my hour a week of my Mic Drop course to become a public speaker, but I did do an hour and half of it yesterday which I’m happy about.
I’m moving forward slowly. Next month keeping the same goals:
- 5,000 words for the month
- 1 hr a week Mic Drop
- Daily Spanish Lesson
- 1 blog post for June
- 1 Walk and Talk each week
We will see how I do! Til next month my loves!
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