When I tell people the path in life I've forged, I get a few reactions:
Zero thought about it. Not impressed. Similar to if I just told them: "I had eggs for breakfast." My preferred reaction.
2. "Oh, this makes sense. You're using your degree."
The biggest, cheesiest fake smile follows this statement I can muster so I don't roll my eyes. Typically the statement is usually made by rich white people who only understand the world of business and nothing about the world of academia. Besides being able to impress some guests with my random fish knowledge, I am in no way, shape, or form using my degree. And the majority of fun facts I have up my sleeve that are impressive came from my mother telling me fun facts as a child. I did not have to go through the 9 years of higher education to tell you why so many seashells have tiny holes in them. Starfish! They are assholes…they drill holes in the shell and eat out the organism. Your fun marine life fact of the day… you're welcome! Also, seals can give you herpes…think about that next time you think you want to hug a cute little seal.
3. Stunned with questions. "Why is someone with a M.S. in Marine Science in yachting? Why don't you use your degree?"
Why don't I use my degree?!?
What the thoughts in my head are saying with a smile spewed across my face, "I don't know, Linda, why did you divorce your first two husbands and marry this Millionaire? Couldn't possibly be for the money, could it?!?"
I don't respond this way because it would be extremely rude (I'm still a southern belle in my bones), and normally it's not the people with the money asking me that question. Why I'm not using my degree is a little too much of a pull question for them, and let's be real, they just flat out don't care that much about me or my life. I'm nice. I smile. I serve them drinks promptly. They are happy with that surface-level service.
It's typically random people I meet who don't understand much about marine science career paths or what yachting offers. Or the judgmental boyfriend I had who didn't quite understand me.
Why am I not using my degree?
Few rational reasons:
Do you actually know how much Marine Scientists make? How much I would've made with a M.S. in my field and 3 years of practical experience?
a. 40-45K a year is the starting rate. My Bestie, who has been in the field (i.e., out of college and in the working field) for at least 7 years now, is currently fighting to get $58K/year. 58K A YEAR! After 7 years of higher education and 7 years of practical experience, would you settle for 58K a year. If you say yes, you either really love your job (good for you…happy for you) or you're lying…lying is not attractive! Stop it! Furthermore, when the job offers you benefits (i.e. health care and PTO), they wave that around like some fantastic offer. WTF! SERIOUSLY WTF! Older generations are bitching about our generation moving jobs too much or not going into the sciences…welp I'll tell you why. The pay scale has barely budged since you went into the field. Typically this reality is enough of an explanation, and people don't question me further.
2. I got burnt out. My advisor was a real piece of work, and I lost my love for the field. I don't use this excuse too much because people usually judge me for being weak or follow it up with, "Well, maybe you just need a little break. You'll go back to what you love."
Sometimes I wish that were true. Sometimes I wish all I needed was a little break, and I'd get my passion back. I'd get my drive and curiosity for the field back. Reality, I don't think I ever truly had it. Sure, I was intrigued by the field. I thought it was cool. I thought the idea of working on the water, saving the sea was a cool profession. It feed my ego. I was admired for giving my life to an admiral, thankless profession by pursuing ocean conservation (specifically, I wanted sustainable fisheries management that didn't kill off the multi-generational little commercial fishing industry strung along the east coast). Because let's be honest, in the grand scheme of things, no marine biologist is saving the ocean (or in my case, the commercial fishing industry along the east coast). We are all just nerds who found our niche.
Truth be told, from the moment I picked marine science as my career path at the age of 17, and I calmly and easily told everyone I realized this meant I not only had to receive a B.S., I would have to go on to get a PhD if I truly wanted to be successful in my career path. It impressed people. Marine science was cool to most people because what 5-year-old doesn't want to study marine science, and the drive it takes to get a PhD is impressive. I am still impressed with all my friends obtaining theirs in whichever field they have chosen!
The real reason I picked marine biology at the age of 17, I wanted to live somewhere warm near the ocean. Marine science seemed like a pretty damn good way to do it! Reality….ITS NOT! The reality is there are a lot of cold places to study marine science, Maine, for instance. My higher education took me to Maine, and before my PhD dreams were dashed, I was going to stay in Maine to reach the goals my career path had laid in front of me. I was willingly going to stay in a place that has in my little southern book 6 months of straight winter, 3 months of pseudo summer (never gets humid enough to be "summer"…prob why they leave the r off and call it summah. It gets too cold before they can finish the word), 1 month of fall, and 2 months of just shit weather! Don't get me wrong, Maine is beautiful. The south is their living hell for the people who love the Maine climate, but I will always strongly disagree with them. The heat down here is hell, but I'll take heal over eternal winter any day!
Back to my point, I picked marine science because I thought I'd be studying cool stuff while in Florida or the Bahamas in a Bikini. At 29, 12 years after I had set out on my career goals, I had never once studied in Florida or the Bahamas and NEVER in a Bikini…come to find out, that's pretty taboo. Field days are not glamorous. Besides the bikini-wearing, I at least wanted to be outside more somewhere warm, and I realized I was nowhere near what I actually wanted to be doing. The majority of marine science careers are spent in a lab or an office at a desk of some sort, not on the water.
I had allowed my ego to lead me down a path I didn't love. I had allowed all the compliments, all the small talk about what I really wanted to do (I had that one-liner down to a science), all the "good for you's", all my mentors encouraging words throughout the years to go to my head. My ego was driving the bus, and I was just along for the ride. Until I got the second rejection (go read that blog…here if that doesn't make sense!) that shook my soul. I woke up. I realized I wasn't doing what I loved. Sure, I was smart enough to get along in marine science. I am smart and driven enough to do whatever I want in my life. Ask any boss I've ever had. They all see it. Being able to do a profession and having the drive to do a profession, so you aren't bloody miserable your whole life, are not the same thing.
While getting my M.S., I slowly saw how I didn't have the same drive as others. I didn't geek out about every little thing. When I watched presentations at conferences, typically, I was too hungover to really care. I wasn't asking why or how or what could've gone differently. I didn't have that natural curiosity in the field.
I didn't have the passion. I like to think I lost it, instead of never having it, but I'm not really sure, in all honesty. All I know is somewhere between the second and third year of my M.S. career, I realized I didn't have it. To be successful, to give your life to such a thankless profession, to be okay with being over-educated and paid barely a living wage, you have to have that passion. Because to be honest, I started marine science knowing it paid peanuts. If you asked me at 18 what I thought my starting salary would be, I would've said 40K a year, but eventually, I'll make 80K. Eventually is the keyword there. In the beginning, when I still had hope, the passion, I was okay with that reality. Once I realized how far a real marine science career was from what I dreamt it to be, I wasn't okay with that reality.
The long answer to why I'm not using my degree?
Because it took me 12 years to realize, the dream career I was chasing wasn't the reality I wanted. I read a quote back in 2017, around the time my decision to walk away was happening, that said:
"Don't keep making the same mistake just because it took you a long time to make it."
That hit me hard. I was meant to read those words at that time. It took me 12 years to realize I didn't love marine science…maybe enough, maybe I never did, or maybe I just fell out of love. Whatever it was, I was done. I walked away from making a mistake that took me a damn long time to realize.
Yet, I'm grateful. I'm so fucking grateful for the rejection on October 3, 2017. Without that rejection, I sincerely believe I would've been halfway through a Ph.D. program and figured all this out. I wouldn't have walked away. I finish my commitments, and who knows where my life would've led. I can tell you one thing; I wouldn't have been sitting in the galley of a 112 ft yacht writing this blog. I wouldn't be sitting here, doing something I sincerely love that brings me absolute joy. I highly doubt I would've ever had the time to even start my blog. It would've felt like a frivolous venture. Time wasted when I could've been doing something "productive" towards my degree.
So, I beg you, don't keep making the same mistake just because it took you a long time to make it.
You're allowed to change your mind.
You're allowed to completely change who you are!
Especially if it means you'll be happier doing so!
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