WARNING: This can be a triggering post for some! It is a post about spirituality and religion. I believe these are very personal topics because they involve a very intimate relationship you hold with yourself and your beliefs. This post is my pure opinion about the topic involving my relationship with a higher power. Overall my message is to be a good person to yourself and others. That's what matters most above all!
I've battled most of my life being with defining my religious/spiritual views. I was raised in a traditional Episcopalian household. Most of you will have no idea what an Episcopalian is; think Catholic but on the lighter side. We can get a divorce, take birth control, and talk directly to God without being shunned from the Church. The Episcopalian denomination is a branch of the Church of England. Fun fact, the Church of England was created when King Henry VIII decided he wanted to divorce one of his wives. The Catholic Church would not grant him this divorce. Thus, he made the Church of England, which was being practiced during the colonization of America. After the Revolutionary War, the new free American people needed to break away from the Church that was directly connected to the crown. Thus the Episcopal Protestant Denomination was born.
I was raised in the Episcopal Church. It was not the most popular one in East Tennessee. Due to that, my family and I were pseudo "outsiders," and growing up going to a school with mostly Southern Baptists (who apparently are ignorant to anything but Southern Baptists), we got questions like this:
"Who do you worship? I mean, are you even Christian?"
"Episca-what? Did you pee your pants?"
Most common: "Do you worship snakes? What about cats?"
Apparently, they were confusing us with Egyptians. Both start with an E…easy confusion, I guess. If I sound slightly salty about this topic, it's because I AM! Because although I was raised in the Church, I was not treated the same as all the other kids I went to school with. I was constantly questioned about my religious views, and it was a constant area where I felt as though I did not belong with my peers. Going to Church wasn't enough to be a good human. You had to go to the "right" Church. Only their Church was the "right" one.
Where did they get this idea?
Directly from the pulpit every Sunday, as their preacher stood there announcing how their conservative Christian values were the "right" ones and the only way you were going to be able to reach the pearly gates of heaven. Thus, they heard repetitively: they were right, and I was wrong. With them being good disciples of the Christian faith and, more specifically, their Church, it was their duty to convert us heathens over to the "right" Christian denomination. This is how I learned the lesson of how it feels to be judged and persecuted by Christians because while I was raised Christian, that was not enough. I need to go to their specific Church to be let into heaven. This is a really GREAT business strategy. BRAVO!
Either way, this is the first place I got a bad taste in my mouth around my own personal upbringing also, the first place I felt shame around saying I was a Christian. However, I also felt guilt for feeling this shame. Why? Because the way I was raised in the Church takes on a whole other meaning. My Godmother, who was also the babysitter to my sister, brother, and I, was a significant pillar in our Church while we were growing up. Between her and my Godfather, they were in charge of the Gardens, the Kitchen, and she a significant member of the Daughters of the King (still not sure what they do, but it's a thing in all Episcopal churches). Due to her significant role within our church community, we were at the Church on a weekly, if not daily basis. Everyone knew us by name in which they would call if we were caught running in the Church. While you may be thinking at this moment, wow, you must have some pretty conservative values that coincide with being brought up SO religious.
Our upbringing from our Godmother instilled quite the opposite in us. Yes, we were brought up to be God-fearing children, more so Godmother fearing children, but still, none the less we were "raised right," as they say. However, my Godmother was also the place I learned to treat everyone the same no matter their race, sexuality, or upbringing. How did I learn this? Because she treated everyone the same no matter their race, sexuality, or upbringing. She genuinely led by example.
Example one, she had a gay daughter who she raised in the south in the 60s & 70s. Maybe this wasn't an automatic, easy acceptance for family and friends at first. However, by the time I came along to realize her daughter was "married" to another woman somewhere in the mid-90s, Pat treated her daughter and her daughter's wife no different than any other couple. Thus, I didn't think any two ways about it. Pat accepted it. I accepted it. My little brain just made the connection, "Oh, sometimes women marry men, and sometimes they marry women…okay cool!" Once I got older, it wasn't a far stretch to apply this lesson to gay men as well.
Example two, my early lesson on race came from her as well. The Church had a black Sexton (professional word for Janitor if you're new to the term), Mr. Dickey. I still remember him vividly. I can still hear his keys jingle as a warning sign for us to stop running in the hallways of the Church not to get caught by Mr. Dickey because he would undoubtedly tell Pat. I can still hear his laugh down an empty hallway of our Church whenever I go home for the holidays. He was a wonderful, joyful man always, and one that Pat made sure we greeted with respect every time we saw him. She would always stress to us not to make his job harder than it had to be. I can still hear her saying, "His job is not to clean up after y'all, and it's certainly not mine either." Maybe this wasn't a vital lesson in equality, more a lesson to not be heathen children. Still, I learned it as being highly disrespectful to treat Mr. Dickey any different due to his position in society not being looked at as the most prestigious or due to his skin color.
I don't think these lessons of love, compassion, and equality have to be strong. They are subtle lessons you learn growing up. Children watch, and they learn from your subtle gestures of how you treat others. Think about the lesson I would've learned if, instead of loving her daughter with open arms, Pat had a daughter whom she was estranged from due to her sexual orientation or if her daughter had never brought home her life partner. Or if Pat hadn't always fondly addressed Mr. Clyde and made sure we did the same. The lessons we would've learned may have been different, or maybe we wouldn't have learned these lessons from her at all and thus resulting in less open-minded feelings around the subjects.
Why do I bring this up?
This has nothing to do with religion. Well, to me, it does. To me, this is what I learned being raised in the Church. Just being a good human being and treating others as good human beings no matter the circumstances. If this is truly the base of all Christian values, then why do so many people feel excluded from the Christian Church? Many born and raised in the Church grow up to leave the Church as soon as they are old enough to make their own decisions.
Why does this occur?
Because the Christian faith has evolved, the original message of being kind and loving to all living creatures has changed to justify the judging nature of humanity. Thus why in some countries, The Church has been used for governing purposes and to explain why the specific people are in charge. God blessed their lineage for being good people somewhere along the line. What does all this do? It creates exclusion, fear, and judgment at the base of religious values. Thus, everyday people constantly try to be better than their neighbor, instead of loving their neighbor, to be a "good human." In reality, being a Christian and being a good person does not always go hand in hand.
Furthermore, what about all the other organized religions, basically teaching the same things as Christians, but they don't follow the same God per se. So, do all of those people not go to heaven. Or what about all the "lost souls" that never hear the word of Christ. They never had a chance…do they too go directly to hell…do not pass go…do not collect $200? For a loving and compassionate God, I find these teachings hard to follow. These questions started spinning around my head when I was in High School. They first started from my close friends who had also been raised in the Church, renouncing their faith altogether. I found this odd and interesting because they were my good friends and they were great people. Did this mean they were going to hell? Then the summer between Junior/Senior year, we were assigned to read Life of Pi for AP English. If you aren't familiar, go check it out. Great book about a man questioning multiple religious values. This quote from the book hit me:
"Hindus, in their capacity for love, are indeed hairless Christians, just as Muslims, in the way they see God in everything, are bearded Hindus, and Christians, in their devotion to God, are hat wearing Muslims," (Martel).
I still don't understand the Hindu or Muslim faith well enough to understand the connection he is making here. However, I interpreted it then, and how I still do today, the three major religions the world seems to fight over are all, at their core, the same, just in different costumes. I liked this analogy. One because it gave me an answer to my questions, but more importantly, we didn't leave anyone out! Everybody is doing the right thing just in their way, and that's okay! I like that…in fact, the little 5-year-old in me who wants everyone to love each other and get along…LOVES this concept! It allows for love, and it casts out judgment. It allows people to be who they are, where they are, and still be good humans.
Some of you may be thinking at the moment:
'But Laura, you are still saying to be a good human, you need to follow and practice an organized religion.'
I could see where you would think that, and I believe that that is a major message people get all over the world. However, you can be an excellent human in my eyes and not follow any sort of organized religion. If you treat others with kindness, including yourself, try your best every day, and don't intentionally hurt others to gain a profit, you're Gucci in my book. While following an organized religion is helpful to ingrain good moral values into small humans because you are not only getting these lessons from your family, you are also getting them from a community. Thus, more examples means easier you learn. However, on the flip side of that, a lot of Christianity has turned to guilting humans into practicing good moral values. That I'm afraid, I have to disagree with. I don't think using punishment or fear to convince people to be good humans is the best route. Maybe most effortless from the instructor's point of view, but not the best lasting lesson because it just leads to people not being so good when they think no one is watching. The lesson should be, be a good human because that's how you wish others would be to you.
Overall, as mentioned in the beginning, I think whatever your spirituality (this includes any and all religions) is doesn't matter. What matters is you are a good human being? I do believe in a higher power. I call that higher power God because it is the simplest thing for me. However, I will refer to the higher power as the Universe for sure! You have to figure out what feels right to you and stay in your lane. Focus on you. Release the judgement. Find your happy. And everything else will fall into place!
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