It’s been 3 months since I last opened up Word on my laptop. Three months without writing can be a hard pill to swallow for a writer. Sure, I had little scribbles in the margins of my planner or little notes written on scraps of paper. I’ve been journaling here and there, and my notes app has a few new entries over the past 2 weeks, but over all my writing has been declining. For someone who identifies as a writer, yet has never been published or gotten any real acclaim for the talent…can make you start questioning all the things you said you are or were.
I’ve lost identities before. This doesn’t feel like a lost identity to question. The questions I’m asking are concerning…
Am I actually a writer at all?
Am I portraying a false identity to others?
Am I lying to everyone?
Most importantly am I lying to myself?
Sound familiar? Does this sound like the spiral we all can take known as imposter syndrome?
I’m a writer. Like it or not, if I ever get published or not, I simply am. It is a creative pursuit I enjoy. While I’m not perfect, I do say I’m rather good at it. I have a unique ability to connect with others around the subjects I write about. I can open up slabs of my heart and place them out in words for the world to see. That is a unique talent.
I blame the talent on my parents always telling me to hide my feelings and secrets. They were both raised in the 1950s, and in the 1950s hiding the hard parts is simply what you did. There was no other way. If you shared, the way I do now, it wouldn’t be seen or heard because emotions weren’t something talked about. Maybe I’m exaggerating, but overall, one blessing of the internet and all this technology stuff is it’s a lot easier to simply share.
Sharing is how we feel connected, less alone. Whether you’re in the boat with me coming from a rather idealistic family on paper that wasn’t as idealistic when it came to the hard stuff, or you have your own bag of shit that seemingly is much harder than my bag of shit, or you want to share your ideas on quantum physics that very few people know about or could possibly understand. Technology allows you to do that these days. Whichever route you take or whatever you like to share I think it’s pretty cool that we have this ability at all. Because when you’re stuck in a family where emotions are a bad word or quantum physics is bogus, being able to connect even virtually with one person who shares a similar feeling or interest can change a person’s entire life.
Thus, sharing is important. Creativity is important. And whatever you want to call you own special way to creatively share is up to you.
As for me, I’ll continue to share creatively via my writing, and sitting down writing for 15 minutes after 3 months of a hiatus is a turn in the right direction. Being a creative is never lost, it’s simply gets quiet when it feels it’s been forgotten. Whisper and it will answer….
That was my first word vomit session, I’ve had in months. I loved it. I love when I feel inspired, and I can open up Word and let the thoughts flow out of my fingers. I had a friend who knew astrology look at my chart once, and she said “I bet you easy reach a flow state with writing easily?” I was astonished when she knew this simply Capricorn being in my 5th house with a stellium present…but somehow, she did. Astrology that’s how she knew. Fifth house is all about creativity and having a stellium there means a lot of my energy in my chart is focused there. Not sure how Capricorn is tied in there, but Capricorn is a cardinal sign and is all about ambition and determination. Regardless when astrologers, along with those studying Human Design and Gene Keys, look at my chart and can seemingly read into my mind it amazes me! All 3 of these things have really interested me over the past 5 years.
Anywho, about being a creative…
I never thought much about it until a few years ago when I got inspired to start blogging. When I realized I did have a talent for connecting and writing. I’d always expressed myself through writing when times got tough, and I never really knew why. I thought it was something everyone did.
That is the trickery our minds will play on us to keep us small to keep us safe, it will take our talents and tell us to hide them away because they aren’t special.
We aren’t special.
When in reality, no matter how you express your little corner of the world…it is special. It is unique and it should be shared. Even if it’s just with close friends on a personal level. Share it, let others take joy in what you create as well.
Side note: If you do share, and your friend/family member isn’t supportive. Don’t take it personal. It’s on them, not on you. You just did a really brave thing, and you should keep doing it until you find someone who loves what you share. Who thinks you painting, your writing, your homemade card, your beading, your poetry, your collaging, your knitting, your needle point, your photography, your (insert creative talent here) is the bees’ knees, because I promise you someone will! It may just take time to find the right audience.
So…the next trick your mind will play…
But what if I’m not creative?!?
I promise you…there is something you enjoy doing that is creative. Maybe it’s something that has nagged at you for years, but you’ve never done it and as an adult it’s hard to try new things and suck at them. Believe me I sometimes cringe at my early blog posts, and even before that…the journals I kept in High School, Grade School that I recently uncovered while at home are even worse. But I’ve always had them.
Here is my tip for you, and challenge for now to help you find your creativity. Answer these questions below:
1. When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
a. Now daydream about that…write it out. Try to fill 3 pages in a notebook.
2. When you were a kid, what crafts did you enjoy?
a. Answering this lead, me to start beading again. I always loved making earrings and necklaces out of glass beads when I was a kid. The number of times I’ve walked into a boutique and seen a necklace or pair of earrings and thought ‘I could make that, why would I buy that?!?’ are too many to count. This is a creative hobby I enjoy…I found it by remembering those found memories of beading as a kid.
3. What interests you?
4. Who, creativity, do you admire or are jealous of?
a. Typically, when we are jealous of someone, it’s because what they have or what they are doing we are also capable of. Our subconscious knows this and instead of admitting we think it’s cool…we judge. Possibly a more detailed blog about this later!
There may be other questions to help, but this should get you started.
Also, key tip…ESPECIALLY in the beginning. This new creative venture is for pleasure. If you want to pick up a camera and start taking photography, don’t compare it to a professional. Show a friend the cool pic you took of the lizard at your gym (true story from me). This is for enjoyment, pleasure…plain and simple.
Society will tell us those things are a waste of our time. They are not. We are here to enjoy this one precious life we have been given. If you do that by being an okay guitar player, the rest of your life…go out and do it!
Disclaimer on the questions above: they are adapted from the book The Artist’s Way: A spiritual Path to higher Creativity. I haven’t finished it, but I got to week 5ish and love it! If you really struggle with creativity…pick it up. Each week has exercises asking questions like the ones above. The above questions are taken from those first few weeks I did finish written in my own words.
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